I believe the
biggest reason why some expats will never have a good time in Korea is not due
to the country itself, but the reason they came in the first place. This is the
line that divides the kvetchpats from the other expats who truly want to have a
great time in Korea and pretty much determines the experiences that each group
will have accordingly. Kvetchpats generally come to Korea with a sense of
entitlement, expecting Korea to conform to their Western expectations while
differing on only a superficial level like food or dress. Because they have
come from multiethnic countries, they seem to believe that somehow makes them
more progressive in their outlook towards racism and social issues. They fail
to recognize that being from multiethnic countries does not make one
automatically progressive, but having a progressive attitude does. Then, there is the other group of expats
who are truly open-minded, understanding that culture is more than just food or
dress and willing to respect and understand the different ways of Korean
society. They put forth the effort and they take on the responsibility to learn
the language and understand the culture. They do their best to adapt to Korean
society as they know that they are guests and it is up to them to make the most
of their lives wherever they are.
Kvetchpats on the
other other hand generally came to Korea to appease their own egos. They
thought that they would get a free vacation, maybe doing a little work to earn
money and have a free place to stay. They look to get what they can from Korea
without taking much responsibility for how they conduct themselves or choose to
create their lives there. So they will do as little work as possible at their
schools, expect other Koreans to give them whatever they want, and not do
anything to improve their own life situation. They will blog or comment on
other blogs and forums where kvetchpats like to "blow off steam" and
bash Korea. This cycle will continue until they finally get sick of living a
miserable life and choose to leave Korea or change their attitude. I have seen
a few kvetchpats change, but I don't know of anyone that has done a complete
360. I know that is definitely possible, but it goes to show how much work
someone has to do to change deeply ingrained habits that have been present for
a long time. Ultimately, it is about personal responsibility and choosing to be
more aware, more self-critical about oneself. Until that choice is made, the
cycle will continue. I know that many kvetchpats will insist that it is their
right to be this way because Korea has made them so and so they will continue
to give all their power to Korea and be its "victim". Yeah, I guess
if you are a victim, there is nothing you can do and you are just stuck in
Korea and your miserable life. It is astounding the lengths that some people
will go to protect their "victim" status going as far as arguing
vociferously for the right of expats to be homeless in Korea instead of being
sent back to America where they would have more resources and a better chance
to pull themselves up than in a society where they do not really understand the
language and culture.
There are expats who
actually make the most of their lives in Korea, starting from the same place as
kvetchpats, at least in terms of working at schools and such. I know of an
American woman who started out as an English teacher and then got an MBA at a Korea
university, became fluent in Korean, and now has an executive position in the
Korean agricultural industry. Yes, the kvetchpats will whine, but what use is
Korean when only a few countries speak it? What use are your Korean girlfriends
and friends and co-workers when you can't express yourself in Korean and have
to get them to translate things? It is your life and if you can't see the value
of being able to communicate and get what you want, I guess you're screwed and
it will not be Korea's fault.
The real problem
with kvetchpats is that they are completely out of touch with the reality of
their situation. Instead of blaming Korea, they need to take responsibility and
recognize what they need to do make their lives better. The power will always
be out of their hands because they choose to make it so. You don't like Korea?
Then, leave. They could save enough money to start again in their home
countries, but they choose not to because they want to take the road of empty
gratification, doing little work for as much gain as possible. The problem is
not that Korea is such a horrible place to live. The problem is that until you
take responsibility for how you live, think, and conduct yourself, including
what you say and how you say it, your life isn't going to get any better.
Korea is not the
problem here. The problem is that kvetchpats have given up so much
responsibility that they have degraded themselves in the way they choose to
live and be. They think that they can compartmentalize their misbehavior on
forums and in their daily life and still present themselves as a good person
the rest of the time. People don't need to have an experience to get negative
vibes from you and that is what you create when you stew in the hateful,
negative, and unfairly critical thinking present on those forums. It's to the
point of unconsciousness and I believe that many of the kvetchpats on those
forums have gotten so mired in that way of being that they cannot see what they
are really doing. It's become an unconscious habit. Being hateful and bashing
is just normal to them. That's just the way they are, so they can't see where
they are going wrong.
I recently an
example of this in the Korean media. In one case, there was a very famous
kvetchpat blogger participating in a round table discussion with three other
people who were Korean. This was an English language network on Korean
television. I'm pretty sure that he is kind of aware that he is coming off as a
bit awkward and offensive because he has toned down a bit from his earlier
media appearances. Ironically, this individual is someone who could get a good
job in the U.S. based on his educational credentials, but chose to come back to
Korea for some reason yet continues to complain about how awful it is. During
the round table discussion, you could tell that the other participants were
kind of offended by this blogger because of his negative demeanor and somewhat
harsh comments about Korea. At the same time, you could also tell by his facial
expressions and unnaturally subdued manner that this blogger was aware of this
and a bit embarrassed by it, so he toned it down a bit compared to what you
would normally read on his blog, which is very emphatic and aggressively
negative. This is a case of someone being a victim to their own dysfunctional
thinking and not being able to do much about it in the moment because it has
become such an ingrained part of him. You can't just be respectable the rest of
your life while being hateful and degrading in others. Those things reverberate
in ways that you may not expect or be conscious of. So it is important to be
conscious and critical of one's thoughts and words otherwise you will create a
life that you don't want and blame others when it really is your
responsibility.
Keep blaming Korea
and let's see how much better your life will get. The people who have a great
life do so because they choose to take responsibility for it, not because they
expect others to create it for them. Opportunity is what you make of it, not just
what is presented to you.
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