Don't Bring Your Baggage to Korea

Of course, I mean that figuratively. Don't bring your baggage to Korea. Korea is a different place with different customs and practices from your home country. It's easy to try to make things fit in a schema that you understand, but certainly not accurate. And that is why so many expats have problems in Korea, a big reason at least.

But if I can't understand Korea in the way I know how, how am I supposed to understand it? How will I be able to learn about it? By keeping an open mind and observing your environment, asking questions of those who are more experienced in this society, Koreans themselves. You think that because you don't hear Koreans complain about the country that they have no complaints, that they are unaware of what is happening in Korea? What a naive assumption. You really aren't in a position to know until you are in a position to KNOW what is going on around you, until you are able to engage with Koreans in a way that is meaningful, connecting to them emotionally and intellectually, approaching them with a certain level of empathy as well as communicating with them in their own language. Until you are able to communicate with Koreans in a way that allows a full exchange of ideas, you are not really seeing them for all that they are and all that Korea is. Empathy does not mean agreeing on everything, but it does mean approaching people with an open mind and heart. Too many expats are too quick to condemn/judge what is happening in Korea, so it is not a surprise that they are not able to see what is truly happening in Korea. How can they? With that kind of negative/judgmental attitude, what Korean person would really open up to them? What Korean would be so eager to share the weaknesses that they see/observe with a foreigner who judges/attacks them?

One's attitude is a form of personal baggage that one brings to Korea. That is not something that can be blamed on the country as we alone are responsible for our own mentality. But attitude is also something that we internalize from society as well. The more conscious an individual is, the less likely he/she will be affected by this cultural conditioning if he/she chooses to do so. But too many English speaking expats are not aware that they bring this conditioning to Korea and so they see their own perspective as the "norm", how things should be. They may say that something is racism when it is just rudeness like when they are bumped into on the subway. "For many foreigners, Seoul's notoriously abrupt public spaces remain a minefield, a realm of often too-few smiles where pedestrians rarely apologize for or even acknowledge accidental brushes or outright collisions (Los Angeles Times, Glionna)." Not to excuse racism or rudeness, but many Koreans can complain about this as well. When someone bumps into you on the Korean subway, it is most likely due to lack of consideration/awareness on their part, not something to be taken personally.

Racism does exist in Korea, just not to the level that many white English speaking teachers claim they experience. I would say that mixed race Koreans and foreigners with darker skin would have a much more legitimate and credible claim to the argument of racism. Mixed race Koreans have been discriminated in terms of being denied equal educational and work opportunities. Many were adopted overseas to avoid the discrimination that life in Korea would bring. But after Hines Ward became famous here, laws have been passed and there has been some progress on this front. Darker skinned foreigners are sometimes looked down upon for being dark and the negative associations that some Koreans have of dark people. White people are actually given preference over ethnic Koreans when it comes to certain jobs related to English/international business. Although ethnic Koreans may have grown up in a Western country and speak English like a native, many Koreans do not see them as credible sources of English language and Western culture due to their Korean face. They cannot believe that someone who looks Korean could be understanding or knowledgeable about Western culture/language in the way someone with a white face can. When I hear white teachers claim that they know what it feels like to be a black man in America due to their Korean experience, I am truly stupefied and amazed that some people could really be that ignorant. They don't know what it's like to be discriminated against in employment, education, etc. They don't know what it's like to be pulled over for driving while black. White people in Korea and many other non-Western places receive many advantages that are not afforded the native population. They come into a country where they have a very favorable image due to Hollywood movies and American pop culture. Why do you think some Korean girls are into white guys despite the lack of exposure to whites in Korea? It is certainly not their parents or society who strongly encourage marrying within the group and have reservations about foreigners, but the conditioning done by Hollywood media. Those Korean girls think that white men will be like the "gentle", romantic hero in Hollywood movies like Bradley Cooper, to take a modern-day example.

I have seen average looking white people receive treatment in Korean establishments that would be unprecedented for an ordinary Korean. I have seen an English guy ask the manager of Angelinus Coffee to carry his tray of drinks to the second floor. Most Koreans would not dare ask this as it would be considered poor taste to burden such a worker in that manner, especially one of that position, unless there was some special circumstance like disability. I have seen U.S. military officers IN UNIFORM order frozen yogurt IN ENGLISH without a flinch, acting as if it were perfectly normal to order that way at a Korean establishment. This store was FAR from the military base and not where one would expect English service. I have seen other instances of white people speaking English casually at a pharmacy and other establishments in Korea. The fact that some individuals act so casual and nonchalant about this and receive service in kind tells me that something is wrong, that some people are too ignorant of their own privilege.

Koreans don't expect foreigners to know anything, really, about Korea, whether it be the culture or customs. Foreigners are seen as guests and Koreans want them to have a good image of Korea as well as extend them hospitality that should be afforded to guests in Korean culture. So too often, foreigner faux pas are accepted as quirks unless completely egregious. Koreans are very understanding of foreigners and their lack of knowledge about the culture/customs of Korea. It is unfortunate that some foreigners do not extend the same courtesy toward Koreans.

How to Make the Most of Your Life in Korea. . . or Anywhere

If life in Korea is so bad, it must be Korea's fault. That is far too often the attitude taken by many expats. And to that I say, please. . . Too many of these Korea haters do not take advantage of the resources that are available to them to make such a statement. Too many of them do not make a good faith effort at learning the language, which would greatly alleviate their frustrations about going about their daily lives in Korea. This would also help clear up any misunderstandings due to culture/language. They would be able to access a greater variety of media outside of English translations of Korean papers that would help them learn and understand more about Korean society.

When I see some bloggers regurgitate what they have read in the blogosphere or English translations of Korean articles, I just shake my head because I see how clueless they are about what is actually going on. They hear lots of stories from other expats and think that it is representative of what is actually presented in the Korean media. English translations of Korean articles do not fully cover what is reported in the Korean papers. In addition to reading the Korean news, learning Korean would enable such expats to engage more fully with Korean people, asking them for advice and opinions about what is going on. To think that one could fully grasp the nuances and intricacies of a culture that one has not fully studied or grown up in is ludicrous. Culture is not something you can figure out like math. There is no universal conception of culture. If you want to understand a culture, you need to understand how it sees itself and then, you will understand why it does/values things in a certain fashion.

Another thing that expats can do to acculturate to Korea is to view it with an open mind and a sense of good will. Give Koreans the benefit of the doubt when you do not fully understand something. Don't just assume that they are backwards/illogical because they do things in a way that YOU do not understand. If you approach things with a sense of good will, you are more likely to receive it back. If you want understanding, give understanding. Remember, you are in a foreign country and the onus is on you to understand the culture.

If You Don't Like It So Much, Why are You Here?

It astounds me to come across individuals who hate a country so much, yet continue to spend years and years of life in that country. They complain about how backwards and inept the people/systems of that country are and how superior/progressive their own country is, yet continue to spend their life in the "inferior" country. I don't understand that. If Korea, for example, is such a dreadful place, why are you here? Most will cite a paycheck as their reason and to that I say, So what? You can find work in your home country, probably better opportunities compared to Korea and yet you still find an excuse to stay here? If your life is so bad in Korea, you should leave. Ultimately, you chose to stay here and if your life is that miserable, it is your fault. At some point, you need to take responsibility for your own experience. Either make the most of your life in Korea or go elsewhere. It's your choice.

Korea Haters

Korea is a place that many English speakers on the blogosphere complain about. Kushibo calls them 'kvetchpats'. I feel that this is much too euphemistic a term to cover the broad range of expats who complain about Korea on the web. When I think of 'kvetchpats', I think of elderly men and women complaining about how the water is too cold or their restaurant meal is too salty. The term, I feel, is more accurately applied to expats who make mild, benign complaints. But I would say that they do not represent the majority of the English blogosphere regarding Korea, most of whom post negative rants about how Korea is so backwards and unjust.

There certainly is nothing wrong with constructive criticism of Korea, pointing out the wrongs and errors of Korean society. But far too many English bloggers use their 'criticism' as an excuse to bash and degrade Korean society, people, and culture. I used to be a frequent reader of such blogs, but then came to realize how pointless it was. Reading those blogs was not helping me understand Korea or expats themselves in any meaningful way. What I did conclude, however, was that there were a lot of angry people in Korea who used their frustrations about living in Korea to bash an entire culture/people. They were not trying to understand why Koreans acted in "incomprehensible" ways or why the society functioned the way it did. All one got was a sense of malice and ill will. They had a beef with Korea and were using that to justify their own offensive behavior.

For all the lack of critical thinking and backwards ways they criticized Korea for, they were unabashed and unaware of how lacking they themselves were in that department. Because Korea did not make sense to their Western mentality, it was illogical. Because Korea did not operate in the same way as their home countries, it was backwards. All throughout their criticism, I could detect their Western mentality imposed on a Korean context. There was no willingness to understand, no sense of goodwill or giving of a benefit of the doubt. So it is not hard for me to remain skeptical about such blogs. There are good ones here and there that look at the positives AND NEGATIVES of Korea in an objective light with a sense of respect and empathy for the humanity of the Korean people. But there are far too many blogs in the Korean expat blogosphere that have no good will and are just an excuse for bloggers to bash/hate on Korea. I call such bloggers Korea haters. I feel that is a more appropriate name for them as that is what they do, hate on Korea.

Korean Parents Have Wisdom When it Comes to Mixed Marriage

"Korean parents are racist!"

That is a claim that one frequently hears in the blogosphere often in conjunction with a non-Korean poster sharing his/her story of how he/she has been rejected by a Korean guy/girl or his/her parents for marriage. And to that claim, I say, "Don't be ridiculous." Now, I'm sure there are cases where Korean parents have hatred for a specific ethnic/racial group. But in most cases, the answer is simple, the partner is not Korean. "But that is racist," some say. No, it's not. If you truly understand why they feel that way and where they are coming from, you would not be so quick to judge.

Why do most Korean parents want their children to marry another Korean? Because they are fiercely committed to carrying on the cultural legacy of their forebears. They want to keep the traditions that have been practiced for many generations alive within their families. Yes, cultures do evolve and change, including the Korean culture. But it's not just about roboticly following certain rituals/customs. There is a meaning to the way Korean families operate and to dismiss that is to downplay the significance of the family order, the dynamic that functions to create the meaning of family. Korean parents want their children to marry fellow Koreans because they are part of the same culture and are most likely able to understand and honor the values that are cherished within their family.

Bringing another culture into the mix presents a challenge to this very dynamic. Everyone has a culture that they value and identify with. What guarantees that they will be comfortable with abandoning at least parts of it and adopting Korean family values as a way of life? It's one thing to respect and appreciate aspects of another culture. It's another thing to live it, so it is easy to understand why Korean parents are apprehensive about inviting non-Korean sons and daughters-in-law into their family.

Now, I believe that people should marry the right person whatever their ethnicity. But to diminish culture as an important factor in connecting and understanding one's partner is a bit cavalier and senseless. It is important to marry someone that understands you on a deep level, your identity and experience and likewise, you for your partner.

Ethnicity is not just another "flavor" of human being. It really shapes and defines a person's identity in a profound way. Korean parents understand that. There is a wisdom to their apprehension. To dismiss this concern as "racist" when one does not understand the reason is really shallow. It's not about understanding, but imposing one's concept of racism onto the situation. Just leave your baggage behind and look at the situation with open eyes. Couples really need to do their homework whoever they marry to make sure that their partner is right for them.

Multiculturalism in Korea

Hello, this is my first post on this blog. My name is itissaid. I have commented a bit on Monster Island and a few other Korean blogs. I have never really felt motivated to write at length about Korea, but was prompted by a certain post on the Korean blogosphere that I felt needed to be addressed.

There is a post by a blogger arguing for the multiculturalization of Korea. Apparently, the author feels that Korea should become multicultural because that is what is for its "own good". But based on his overblown "I know better than you, Korea" tone and the flimsy arguments that he makes in favor of this claim, one can see that it is not really an argument, but a rant motivated by pure self-interest.

Now, I am certainly in favor of Korea recruiting foreign professionals where they fill a need that cannot be adequately addressed by the current Korean workforce. However, to say that Korea MUST be multicultural and diverse to secure top talent is a bit much when there is a high number of college graduates WITHIN Korea, some of whom do not have jobs, as well as other alternate solutions to increasing the competitiveness of the Korean workforce like improving education, increasing opportunities for women, etc.

"In fact, it's ridiculous to think how the Korean media has managed to make the most highly-educated sector of the population from the world's most developed economies and make them into social monsters. Does this make any sense?"

To characterize teachers who are hired primarily for their native language skills and a bachelor's degree (whether related to English education or not) as making up the "most highly-educated sector of the population from the world's most developed economies" is just disingenuous. If Michael truly has the experience working in Korean schools that he claims, he would know this. And he DOES know this, but chose to be disingenuous to support his own argument that Koreans are missing out on a highly talented foreign workforce.

"The foreign blogging community translates almost all the articles written about us, we pass them around, and we are starting to wonder not only why the Korean media seems to hate us so much, but how supposed journalists can continue to make up a tidal wave of rumors and lies about us."

This is the problem with the author and other bloggers like himself. He gets his "news" from second-hand sources and takes them as fully representative of the Korean media. If he actually read the media in full, not just disparate articles here and there, he would notice that they actually write many positive stories about the foreign community, including English teachers. There are negative articles as to be expected about ANY subject, but he makes it seem that that's all they cover.

"There are isolated and statistically insignificant incidents, but the socially irresponsible, unethical, and completely unprofessional Korean media continues to feed the flames of panic through its sensationalistic headlines and stories."

Perhaps the author can take a bit of his own advice and not be so sensationalistic and inflammatory in his own rants about Korea. Regardless of how much experience he has teaching in Korean schools and being educated at the higher institutions of the U.S., he does not show the open-minded objectivity and analysis that he always skewers the Korean media for.

"Koreans know very well how little confirmation happens to resumes, so people fake them. They trust people recommended by a friend, or the powerful person who is supporting them, or simply are too lazy to pick up the phone (or go to the school web site) and simply confirm the information. What is more embarrassing than the "fake degree problem" is the fake that Korean society can even HAVE such a problem. And to the extent that a few unscrupulous foreigners know how Korea works, or some kyopos who know it even better, get away with living life as a "Harvard business school graduate" for years -- it's a fault of a system that doesn't even do the basic checks that an American McDonald's would do on a kid applying for his first part-time job as a high school student. There will always be unscrupulous people, anywhere, just as there will always be foxes waiting outside the hen house gate. So, who's to blame if the foxes all know the lazy farmer never closes the hen house gate at night? Foxes will do what foxes do. The lazy farmer is stupid for blaming the foxes, hunting them down with guns and dogs, etc. Simply close your damned hen house."

I would say that it is the fault of the lazy farmer as well as the foxes, but according to Michael, foreigners are never to blame for any wrong the commit toward Koreans. It's ALWAYS the fault of Koreans. ALWAYS.

"The increasing size of the applicant pool is sending the best, most highly-qualified crops of foreign teachers there has ever been. Any MBA grad or captain of industry will tell you what common sense should have already: a larger applicant pool means higher quality, in the end. "

He cites one example of someone from the English department at Berkeley to support his case as well as the competitive job market in the U.S. He promotes the fallacy that more competition means a higher quality of applicants. Not necessarily true in the absolute sense or even the relative sense. Unless he can show examples of people from the better universities applying to Korean teaching jobs in greater numbers, I don't buy it.

"Because of sensationalist stories by your major television networks on "Foreign Male Sexual Predators" and continued news emphasis on the actions of an errant few, Korean immigration rules have changed to require HIV tests for getting a teaching visa (which even Ban Ki Moon has agreed is both unconditional and illegal, according to Korean laws), a criminal background check to supposedly prevent "foreign sex offenders" from entering the country (when there are no confirmed cases of such foreigners actually having committed any said crimes, and the biggest problem is that most sex offenders in ANY country generally have no criminal record, a major problem in general), and other silly rules, such as having to have a "pre-interview" at a Korean consulate to teach at a silly hagwon (do you know how large the US is and that I would have to take a plane to the nearest Korean consulate, four states over?), or having to not only leave the country when changing one's visa, but having to return to one's ORIGINAL country every time one even RENEWS a visa?"

I highly doubt that Korean media coverage is the sole reason why there are stricter regulations for the hiring of English teachers. I'm sure that the Korean government like other governments took notice of the media coverage, but ultimately came to their own conclusion based on their own internal data. Unless the author has proof that such stories influenced such changes, he has no argument. If Michael truly did believe in doing what is right for Korea, he would not criticize the use of criminal background checks to screen out high-risk candidates. Apparently, just a few crimes from a large pool of foreigners is enough to justify the non-protection of children. The U.S. school system as well as other industries in the country do criminal checks for any applicant who will work around children. But Michael ignores that and singles out Korea for his own invective. As far as interviewing at the Korean consulate, it has come to this point unfortunately for all involved, the Korean government, the teachers, the schools. Why? Because hakwons have not done a good job of screening out negative candidates and so there have been far too many bad apples in the bunch whether or not they constitute a majority of English teachers. As far as his comment about returning to one's country to renew a visa, I have never heard of it, but if that is the case now, then it is not necessary and is probably the only point I agree with Michael on.

"Does the Korean public even know about these rules, or what they mean in reality? It means that foreigners become slaves to bag hagwon owners and school vice-principals. If we don't get paid, our contract is broken, or anything happens to us, we have no power. If we quit, we not only have to leave the country, we have to return to our home country immediately. In order to move out of bad hagwon A, over to next-door good hagwon B, I would have to go back to the US, re-apply for a visa, and spend thousands of dollars and months waiting for the process to finish."

Well, just like any employment visa whether in the U.S. or Korea, this visa is contingent on employment with the designated employer as it is the school that is the sponsor. The Korean government allowed you to enter for the purpose of working at school "A". They did not give you permission for anything else. So of course, if you QUIT, then you should leave Korea. What Michael fails to mention is that one has the ability to apply for other jobs BEFORE giving one's notice and leaving. But it's always "evil" Korea's fault. English teachers have NO RESPONSIBILITY. It's always about the "big, bad" Korean government.

"And hasn't it occurred to the media that the very REASON one finds some teachers working on illegal visas or with fake degrees or no qualifications is because many bad Korean hagwons actually WANT that kind of worker? I personally know of several people who had not finished college (but no, they are not "bad" people) but were working in hagwons, anyway, while students over the summer. They're cheaper and can't complain. Many hagwon owners simply want warm bodies -- and some actually prefer workers they can control. Protecting workers by separating the work and residency visas would put power back in the hands of the people who can vote with their feet, and allow the market to collect itself."

And it's never the fault of such teachers for not having such qualifications or degrees.

"I myself could never have easily worked at so many universities, alternative schools, NGO's, and countless other little jobs, if I hadn't been on the F-4 visa. Why do we treat non-Korean-descent foreigners any differently? Do we kyopos magically not have criminal records? Are we impervious to HIV and AIDS? Couldn't we molest children if we wanted to? Has the Korean job market fallen apart because of us, who have been providing the glue that keeps your culture industry together, not to mention the entertainment industry and countless other small places in the economy?"

Because it's the right of the Korean government to make its own policies on who to admit into the country. Many countries treat children of citizens and heritage applicants differently from other foreigners, including the U.S. which allows family members to sponsor other family members for a resident visa.

"Some close-minded people might say, "Well, America's immigration policies are strict. So why shouldn't ours be?" The answer is simple. The US needs to be, can afford to be strict. Because everyone in the world is trying to live there. And, strict though they are, America's immigration policies are fairly liberal, which has not always been true. Look at Koreans' contributions to the US, made possible only because of the 1965 Immigration Act, which finally stopped discriminating against Asians, Africans, and Eastern Europeans. Korean-Americans sit in some of the government's highest positions, are part of Hollywood, are doctors, professors, lawyers, schoolteachers, soldiers, nurses, and many other things. A Korean-American invented the touch-screen system that Apple first mass marketed and that now, the world uses."

I find it so convenient that Michael touts the creativity of Koreans in the U.S. when he has NEVER done so on his blog, always lambasting them for a lack of creativity. So when it is convenient for him to cite Koreans as creative, he will do so. He is a very disingenuous, pseudo intellectual blogger.

"As any economist knows, a small country can only go so far without opening its borders to trade and competition. The same is true for the "idea economy," which requires new thinking, new energy, new people. Right now, I fear for the future of the Korean "idea economy" and the nation in general, over the next 10 years."

I would like to see some evidence that Korea is not opening its borders to trade and competition. What do you call the FTA's with Europe and the U.S.? What do you call the many American chains/brands in Korea? Last time I heard, TESCO was a British company and is doing quite well WITHOUT Samsung.

"We could be a valuable human and economic resource. Now, the Korean image has become one such that foreigners are becoming more interested in coming here, in learning more about life here, in living here. But the message we get, in reality, is "WE DON'T WANT YOU TO STAY. You can visit, you can give us new foods, and maybe teach English for a year or so. BUT WE DON'T WANT YOU AMONG US."

It is the right of every country to decide who gets to enter within their borders. What gives foreigners the right to demand entry/residence in a certain country?

Whatever Korea needs, I'm sure the Korean government is in a better situation to decide than an irate blogger who has taught at a handful of schools and despite his high level of education, does not judge his subjects with an even-handed objectivity that one would expect from someone with those qualifications.

"Unfortunately, that's the message that's starting to get out now. As a foreigner, as a member of many educational communities, as a member of the 국가브랜드위원회, but also as a simply an objective citizen observer who actually wants to see Korea go in the right direction, I implore you to demand higher standards from your media, to stop being so ready to believe the worst about people, to stop emphasizing only the most negative, threatening aspects of anything new."

Michael should start taking his own advice toward Korea.

Was Father Flynn guilty?

I just got done watching Doubt on Netflix. Finally.

A powerful movie and I wonder now if Father Flynn was "guilty," entirely innocent, guilty but of something else... or if this is something that, like the ending of "Lost," is deliberately left not just unanswered but perhaps even unanswerable.

Hurley's car

I'm a big fan of "Lost," and I like checking out shooting scenes on the island, but I figured that The Sonagi Consortium was a more suitable place than Monster Island (hmm... that doesn't sound right). Besides, what better way than this to inaugurate my own presence on this hodgepodge blog. 

So I happened to take "M" over in the direction of Kapiolani Community College (KCC), which is across the street from the entrance to the crater of Diamond Head. Just Koko Head* side of KCC is the Hawaii Film Studio [photo below, location here], which is the Aloha State's answer to Universal Studios.

This is the facility which is used by filmmakers and television producers to supplement their outdoor shooting in the state. Films like Jurassic Park, Fifty First Dates, South Pacific, etc., and television shows like "Magnum P.I.," "Hawaii Five-O," and my current favorite, "Lost," are filmed here and around the island. You may recall my ephemeral "encounter" with actor Michael Emerson, who plays the self-serving and very creepy Ben Linus, in the big Safeway down on Kapahulu. 

It's small scale by California standards, and a drive around the block can reveal a thing or two. Baby-blue Dharma vans have been spotted on occasion, and when we were approaching the old KCC church (where I used to take taiko drum classes, which is totally kick-ass), we spied a truck of the FedEx/UPS variety (I know my UPS trucks — possibly NSFW link) with the Oceanic Airlines logo.

It's a little hard to see there in this iPhone-snapped photo, but it's there (it's much clearer if you happen to be walking by). 

Oceanic 815, of course, is the fictitious flight most of the main characters of "Lost" were on when they crashed on the mysterious island, but I don't recall seeing an Oceanic van of any kind, so I wonder if it's something that will pop up in the later season six episodes. 

We did have a chance to swing around and drive up to an isolated service entrance just makai* of the main entrance, where we spotted the old car [top photo] that was fixed up by the father (played by famed 1970s stoner comic Cheech Marin) of Hugo "Hurley" Reyes (played by Jorge Garcia — I like this link). That was quite a treat. 

"Gitsie Girl" describes one of the episodes in which it appears, and "Lost Virtual Tour" has some scenes showing the car in action, not far from where the Costco is, so maybe I'll check out that street corner sometime.

By the way, Jorge Garcia took the Los Angeles Times on a special little tour of the island, showing various "Lost" locations, which I might blog here or at Monster Island (actually a peninsula), supplemented by my own trips to those places. There's a video here.

Garcia's character is one of my favorite on the show — among other functions, he voices things that fans and viewers themselves say about the show — and he himself looks like he'd be a fun guy to hang out with. Since he's saying he'd rather not leave the island (Oahu, that is), I hope I get to run into him at Safeway sometime. It might be less creepy than encounter Ben in the dairy section. 

* Directions on Oahu and the rest of Hawaii are frequently given with the words makai (toward the ocean, on the ocean side of some place) or mauka (toward the mountains, or on the mountain side of some place). If you're on the southern side of Oahu, where Honolulu is, then makai is south and mauka is north. East and west are determined by an actual geographic mark as a point: Ewa (pronounced ay-vah) to the west and usually Diamond Head to the east. But if you're east of Diamond Head (e.g., Kahala, Hawaii Kai, KCC, etc.), then Diamond is actually to the south or the west, so at some point Koko Head becomes the eastward reference point. 

Korean LOLcats: An Experiment

I take a lot of Korean studies courses at my university because they're easy and I like mid-afternoon classes I can roll into after waking up around the crack of noon after some intense weeknight partying. Undergraduate life, you know how we kick it.

Someone had raised the question in class if Koreans had LOLcats. You know, LOLcats. That thing that used to be funny until your aunt started forwarding them to you. Now, I'll admit I don't really have my finger on the pulse of Korean cyberculture. I only just learned that the Korean word for troll is 악플러 (akpŭllŏ). Outside of my Cyworld page, I don't really know what's up.

At first I thought it was funny and turned around going cheeseburger chom chuseyo in a baby voice... then I realized we had something serious happening. I fired up my MacBook Pro and tuned out the lecture so I could concentrate on this:





I think it loses something in the translation.

On Failed Bilingualists

My son is now 6 years old if you count age the way they do in the US of A. When he was first born I was super gung ho to teach him Korean and have him grow up bilingual. When he was a mere 3-months old, we went to Koreatown in New York City where I bought all manner of Koreaspeak language aids: Hangeul puzzles, word books, flash cards, you name it. I put Post-It Notes on everything in the house with both the English and the Korean word for it. I was committed.

At first it seemed to work well enough and it was quite the novelty to have him show off his Korean words for friends and family. It even got to the point where I had to provide his pre-school with a short list of Korean words that he used regularly so the teachers would know what he was talking about.

Sadly, my commitment to my son's bilingualism went the way of Seven Card Stud and the proverbial Sunday drive. I lost motivation, it was hard to keep the Korean up with the amount of English he was learning, and there was nobody else besides me to help. My only Korean friends at the time suggested I put him in their church's Saturday Korean language program. I came up with all kinds of excuses not to do so. My primary reason against it, if you can believe this, was that the church was too far away. Google maps says the distance is 8.6 miles (13.8 KM). Pitiful.

Anyway, what's done is done and my son has forgotten all but a few words of Korean. Of the few Korean words that do remain, you'll most frequently hear him refer to his manpart as his "gochu." (Imagine the confused look on the faces of the other first graders at recess when those thugs Donovan and River are trying to convince my son that it's called a "wiener" and my son insists it's a "gochu.")

My sweet angel of a daughter recently finished potty-training. After a particularly successful visit to the toilet she proudly announced: "Daddy, I went pee-pee on the big potty and wiped my own gochu."

What have I done?

Haaaaaai, high life!

The New York times today writes about the plight of unemployed Japanese who have come to find that a capsule hotel forms the last barrier between them and homelessness. It discusses, for example, the high rate of poverty experienced in Japan despite the comparatively low unemployment rate of five percent, which is where Canada's unemployment rate sits in good times.

The new goverment of Prime Minister Yukio (625?) Hatoyama has vowed to combat both poverty and homelessness, but meaningful solutions are unlikely without improvement in the economy, which is basically where it was twenty years ago when capsule hotels first came about as the cheapest place to spend a night for businessmen. These days, the local government has gone as far as to allow these hotels to be registered as permanent addresses.

The price is shocking, even for Japan. The hotel featured in the article charges about $640 in rent, a expense that is lessened by the absence of deposits or utility fees. I would question the need to live in Shinjuku and not with family or alone in the suburbs when in such dire straits, but that's another topic entirely.

Speaking of Japan, I have been enjoying these Japanese Mac commercials lately:



If anyone (kushibo?) speaks Japanese, can they let me know if these commercials are as funny in Japanese as it is in English subtitles? Also, I realize that they're quite old, so my apologies if this has already made the rounds of the Internet.

Million foreigner march

I turned on the TV after arriving in Korea this week and I was greeted by a TV program examining various stores and restaurants catering to foreigners in Korea, as well as the foreigners that frequent those places. The name of the program, or perhaps the tagline, was 외국인백만시대 (One Million Foreigner Era). The program gave it the air of it being something to celebrate, which was heartening, particularly because it focused on South and Southeast Asians in Korea, not a very highly-regarded group otherwise.

The statistic of 1 million foreigners is somewhat misleading because about half of the 1 million are ethnic Koreans who retain Chinese citizenship, but given that almost half of all rural children in Korea will be mixed-race, there will be no shortage diversity in the future. Parenthetically, I don't think diversity for its own sake is a good thing, because it means that you think a town full of nothing but ethnic Koreans is inferior to a town of a mixture of Koreans and half-Vietnamese. I often hear fellow Canadians deride a place as "the whitest place ever", and it really only makes sense if you're not being serious and really just complaining about the paucity of dining options.

At any rate, it's interesting to consider that Korea will have an admixture of races in the future. If this helps Korea avoid going the way of Japan, with a stalled economy and a population that will drop by about 40 million in the next 40 years, it's a good thing. It will certainly challenge the conception of Korea as a nation-state populated exclusively by ethnic Koreans, and finding a place in Korean society for the mixed-race children, one that's somewhere other than an obscure corner, will be a significant challenge.

What do you think are some of the unforeseeable changes of an increasingly multiracial South Korea?

How to Make the 갈옷. Part 5: Final

All that is left is to cut the patterns and sew up some super cute outfits. Skirts, pants, shorts, shirts, hats, vests, pillow covers, capes. You name it.

A spendy but stylish summer ensemble for a male child. Complete with armpit vents.

A jacket and long skirt set gifted to my lovely spouse. Price tag: 500,000 Won. Never worn by her. She also has a padded vest and a groovy 700,000 Won cape that she has never worn. Me? I have nothing.

"Do you know 갈옷"? Thank you for reading my essay.

How to Make the 갈옷. Part 4

The fabric is ready. The persimmon juice/dye is ready. Time to start dyeing. Proceed by pouring ample amounts of persimmon juice into large plastic tubs in order to easily feed the long sheets of fabric in and out. Here the Master's mom loads cotton fabric into a tub of juice for another Ajumma to soak:
It ain't a clean job. But a thorough drenching is required. Keep the tubs full of juice.

Take a break and enjoy some bean-filled 빵 and Cider.

Run the persimmon-juice-soaked cotton fabric through the spin cycle on a washing machine and then spread it out to dry. The first time through the juice, the color is still fairly light.

The more times the fabric goes through the juice, the darker the color. It also helps to dry the fabric in a climate with moist, salty air like you might find near the seashore. This dark fabric is nearly ready for the sewing machines.

How to Make the 갈옷. Part 3

Once the cotton fabric is all washed, dried, and prepped, it's time to see to the persimmon juice. The fall season is the best time to begin the actual dyeing; there is lots of sunshine and it's not too hot, but most importantly, the persimmons are in season. It's best not to wait until the fruit is fully ripe to extract the juice. Stock up while they're still a bit green as the juice itself is still potent and the firm fruit is easier to work with.

One fall I took my new wife along on a persimmon purchasing excursion. Six of us piled in two trucks and one van and headed inland from Muan in Cheolla Nam Do. We stopped outside Gwangju and ate lunch and then kept driving what I think was East-North-East ish. It felt like we drove for 2 hours and the scenery got more mountainous and very picturesque. I assumed we would stop somewhere at a market or farm or orchard, but all of a sudden we just pulled over along the side of the road.

There waiting for us were a number of old country folk gathered in the middle of nowhere, standing guard over many many bags stuffed full of persimmons. After exchanging pleasantries and bows, we weighed each bag one-by-one, logged the weight in a book with the seller's name, and then loaded the bags into the trucks and the van. Each farmer received a bundle of cash that the Master removed from a huge wad in his fanny pack. There must have been 75 bags, each weighing between 30 and 45 kilos. I'm not a weight lifter (or a cage fighter) and my body was toast after heaving those loads of fruity booty.

Tired and hungry we stopped at a country restaurant for some Samgye Tang and Makkeolli. The food was delish and the makkeolli was home-made, complete with mystery floaters.

We arrived back at the Master's house around midnight. We wasted no time and unloaded the fruit and started juicing. We had one large industrial juicer that ran from midnight until nearly 10 the next morning. The juice was all stored in large plastic containers. After a few hours of shut-eye we were ready to start dyeing.

The narcissism of small differences

"Excuse me, I've been listening to your conversation even though I tried not to, and I think you're really stereotyping Koreans." That's how a girl began a conversation with me at a coffee shop here in Toronto. She butted into a conversation I was having with a Korean friend, speaking to him in Korean and then to me in fluent English. Korea is very homogenous, she said, but I was making too many generalizations, she said. At first I thought that she was taking issue with the way I cut corners to simplify matters for my friend, whose English isn't quite perfect. In doing so, she was really saying what I thought every time I used four words instead of twelve and spared my friend a barrage of largely irrelevant information.

What I realized after the end was that really she was annoyed by the fact that I was speaking about something she knew very well, but I wasn't an ethnic Korean like her or my friend. This isn't exactly a new phenomenon. As a member of few other niche communities, namely Western Muslims and serious distance runners, I often see a mainstream report on either community ripped apart over peripheral details. Runners spend a lot of time accumulating knowledge that is ignored and then disseminated by the New York Times for all to see. They irrationally feel that their role as caretakers of how to train for a 2:47 marathon has been usurped, which they try and retake by pointing out things like Belayneh Dinsamo's world record was 2:06:50, not 2:06:52, and that Angela Bizzarri qualified but did not participate in this year's World Championships.

When I apologetically told the girl that she was right, assuming that her problem came from my using simple English, it turned out this had nothing to do with it. She went back to something I had said maybe a half hour previous, when I compared Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper waiting to see what America did about climate change before making a decision to 29-year-old Koreans I knew who didn't take a vacation overseas because their mother was concerned about swine flu. Her issue here was that, first, I couldn't generalize about Koreans based on this one example (which I didn't) and that it wasn't something to deride because my friend passed up a vacation out of deep respect for her mother.

Whatever you think of a 29-year-old being obedient to her mother's whims, the issue wasn't obedience to your parents, or else she would have chastized my friend, who laughed at what I said and agreed. This girl felt a general discomfort at my talking about Korea in her presence, especially at negative comments, because I was not an ethnic Korean. I've been guilty of pulling rank in the way she did, namely that her 20-25 years of being Korean outweighed my one year living there, and I'm sure most people have done this in some way or form when someone who has a a vague familiarity with a topic near and dear to them says something that is otherwise true.

So it wasn't what I said so much as it was the fact that I said it, a somewhat more absurd version of the double standard that says it's okay for a black person to say the word 'nigger' but not a white person. It's common for members of an ethnic minority to reflexively react against any criticism of their group, even if it's a criticism they'd agree with if someone within the group said it. My Pakistani family will criticize Pakistan privately, but this privilege does not extend to others, particularly the Western media. Even Canadians, not exactly an ethnic group, will make self-deprecating jokes about our history being boring and our culture being non-existent, but we would never tolerate an American or a European saying that about us.

How to Make the 갈옷. Part 2.

To make the 갈옷, you need fabric to dye. Lots of it. Cotton takes the persimmon juice color very well, and it is very comfy to wear around. Here we are unloading the fresh cotton from the van. Each of these bags is filled with several rolls of white cotton. Each roll is approximately one meter wide and varies in length between 10 and 30 meters.
First things first, the cotton must be washed. Each roll gets unrolled and soaked in clean water.
Truth be told anybody can do the cotton washing part. But if you have ready access to some ajummas, they will do the work for dirt cheap. And they are a bowl of laughter to have around. Note: the ajumma costume is optional, but you'd be hard pressed to hire a country woman who didn't show up to work in it.

After soaking and rinsing the cotton rolls, hang them up to dry. We just hung them in the yard haphazardly over some ropes that were held up by bamboo poles. It is not required to dry the cotton in this way. Feel free to use a laundry spinner to spin off excess water, but you don't want to use a clothes dryer or artificial heat of any kind. It certainly never appeared to me to be the most efficient method of drying long rolls of cotton, but as with most things in life, the process is often more important than the result.

Tangent: that tree in the background is a 무화과 tree (fig tree?). The fruit looks terrible and messy as it falls to the ground. But once the Master convinced me to try it, I found it delicious.

How to Make the 갈옷. Part 1: The Recap

What follows is a several part series describing my experience with the process of making the traditional brown clothes worn by Jeju-ites of old.

For those of you who are familiar with my personal history with Korea, you're already aware of how I happen to know about 갈옷. For you folks, feel free to skip this brief recap and join again for part 2 of this series.

For the rest of you, I will provide the Cliff's Notes recap herewith to get you up to speed. Thank you for reading my essay.

Spring 1997. I take a break from substitute English teaching in Seoul and make my way southward down the Korean Peninsula. On a ferry from Wando to Cheju-do, I happen to meet an interesting Korean fellow ("The Master") who invites me to his "traditional Korean museum" of a house. I end up spending two full weeks at his house living, eating, working like one of the family.

And thus began a long and interesting relationship with the Master.

The Master is an expert at many traditional Korean arts, including using persimmon juice to dye fabric. He married his wife, a former mega K-pop star, after she returned from studying fashion design in New York City. She designs the 갈옷 using her flair and the occasional modern twist, and the Master dyes the fabric. The 봅데강 brand clothes are made at their house and sold in several stores in Cheju City and Seoul.

I Advise Against Karaoke/노래방 (NRB)

Rule #1 of NRB: Don't do it.
Rule #2: If you must do it, no cameras.
Rule #3: If you must do it, and someone brings a camera, prime the pump with summa this:

Rule #4: Follow Korean drinking customs at all times:

Rule #5: Allow your Korean friends to select a nice place:
Rule #6: Keep the system well lubed:

Rule #7: Don't be a stiff like this lightweight (he got himself dumped by his gal for general weakness of constitution, and his lame NRB effort here didn't help):

Rule #8: Feel it. Bring it. Kill it in the face:

Rule #9: Top the night off with some of these piping hot beauties and enjoy your life.

p.s. bonus points for naming that tune in #8 above. Anyone?

A review of Our Fragrance

Tonight I saw 우리의향기 (Our Fragrance), a North Korean movie from 2003 (synopsis here). It was screened by the Canadian arm of Koryo Tours, the well-known Beijing-based travel agency that offers tours to North Korea. About 15 people showed up to a screening at a west end bar that's normally used by indie bands. I was worried that the audience might consist of that creepy group of maladjusted weirdos which actually seems to consider North Korea a desirable place to live without a hint of irony, but everyone laughed heartily enough at the bizarre dialogue that I can say it's not the case.

The movie had all the subtlety and plot of a Platonic dialogue. The movie identifies unique Korean qualities, something called "Korean build" being one, as a fragrance, which is in keeping with the melodramatic, religious quality of North Korean speech. The first half of the movie is quaint and old-fashioned in a way that makes North Korea seem benign and comically out of touch with the rest of the world. The hairstyles, fashion, a conspicuous 20-inch JVC TV and the slow motion chimes when the female protagonist's beauty is considered might as well have been accompanied by laugh tracks for Western audiences.

The story of the movie is of a female tour guide who initially refuses to marry a male kim chi researcher (sic). Incidentally, the two are separately chosen by fashion designers to model clothes for the "spring fashion show", presumably a seasonal occurrence. In person, the tour guide, Sae Byeol, takes a liking to the researcher, Pyong Ho.

The movie becomes a parable with a visit by Pyong Ho and his grandfather to Sae Byeol's house. Pyong Ho mentioned to Sae Byeol that he had lived overseas as a child, when his father had worked in the Korean language department of foreign universities and his mother had wowed foreigners with kim chi. This leads Sae Byeol's family to worry that they won't be good enough. Her mother resolves to prepare "exclusive" dishes such as spaghetti, her father procures champagne (pronounced 샴판, syam-pan), and Sae Byeol decides to borrow a rug from her uncle.

The dinner is a disaster as Sae Byeol's father offers a handshake to Pyong Ho's grandfather even though he is older and Sae Byeol wears a Western business suit instead of the hanbok that impressed the grandfather at first. Sae Byeol then offers the grandfather seuripeo (slippers), a word he doesn't understand, and coffee, even though he prefers tea. The dinner is extravagant, the food is unfamiliar to the grandfather, and he gets splashed by champagne as bottle after bottle is uncorked.

Eventually, the grandfather fakes a stroke to bring an end to the madness. Sae Byeol and his family are rebuffed, and they all engage in self-criticism before deciding to reform their ways and visit Pyong Ho's grandfather to apologize. There, all is forgiven and they appear to live happily ever after as an haunting, ear-splitting song brings the movie to a close. The credits are very brief, one of those rare areas in which North Korea is far ahead of the rest of the world, and include titles such as "people's actor" and "esteemed actress".

A recurring theme throughout the movie is kim chi. Sae Byeol initially rejects Pyong Ho as the "kim chi boy", but later warms to him. Pyong Ho is unimpressed because when she insulted kim chi, she insulted him as well. A surreal scene was one near the end, where Sae Byeol is giving some white foreigners a tour of a kim chi festival. One stall boasts 31 different kinds of kim chi. When a tourist says he likes kim chi, someone summons a kim chi expert to tell him more and Pyong Ho enters on cue.

In a scene that could have been written by a English-speaking satirist, the foreigners then proceed to have an obsequious conversation, in fluent Korean, about the magnificence of kim chi. Pyong Ho delivers a rambling monologue about the greatness of Korean culture, of which kim chi is but one aspect, being tied to its racial purity. "For thousands of years, Koreans have had black hair and black eyes," he says. "You do, and my hair is yellow," observes a female tourist. Pyong Ho then proceeds to follow the greatness of Korea to its root in Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il.

I have a few some questions and observations left over from the movie, answers to which would be greatly appreciated.

Are there really fashion shows in North Korea?

The end of the movie shows the two families strolling along the Taedong River in Pyongyang. There is then a closeup of a roller coaster, and of Sae Byeol and Pyong Ho riding a roller coaster in as morose a manner as possible. I was debating whether or not it was real, but there is supposedly a roller coaster in Pyongyang, at the Kaeson Youth Park in central Pyongyang. Here is a video with some information, and here are some pictures.

One of the handful of tourists in the movie spoke a few words of unaccented English. I would presume that they're Russian or maybe Pyongyang-sympathizing members of the KFA. I forgot to look at the credits for the answer, so I'm wondering if anyone reading this has any information.

This movie has an obvious propaganda role, but who exactly sees this? Would most North Koreans be as familiar with North Korean movies as South Koreans are with South Korean movies? Or, are movies really just for those living in cities?

Finally, one scene in the movie mentions "Korean schoolgirls" in Japan who wear "Korean jackets" despite harassment. How do North Koreans perceive North Koreans who live in Japan? How can any decent North Korean possibly live there?

Gaga for the gayagum

I have recently discovered the magic of the gayagum. The gayagum, if you missed it like I did in your Korean textbook along with Jindo dogs, the guy on the 5,000 won bill and some weird dance that I've since forgotten, is a kind of traditional Korean instrument, to use the words a Korean would.

I'm not ashamed it to admit that it really began with someone playing Wonder Girls songs on the gayageum, the best fusion of the impossibly old and garishly new since Metallica released S&M and Frederick Nietzche released this attack ad against Immanuel Kant.

At any rate, here's the video that got it all started:



Then I moved on to a version of Arirang, which is a kind of traditional Korean folk song:



This was followed by the Mission Impossible theme:



I ended with this clip, which shows the crazier sounds the gayagum can make:

48 hours (and 34 minutes)

This may be of interest to no one but me, but I wanted to give some kudos to Apple and FedEx. Sure, I'm not too happy that my two-month-old MacBook Pro is occasionally making sounds like that of a revving engine — after already having the hard drive replaced for a mysterious clicking sound — but I am thoroughly pleased at the quick turnaround time for my most recent Apple purchase, a blue iPod Shuffle to be used for jogging as the battery on the 3.5-year-old iPod Nano I have has begun to slowly die*.

So I bought the $59 device online. I'm only listening to news programs when I jog — NPR, NYT, PBS — so the 2GB "500 songs" version is fine. It's a really tiny device that clips on your clothes; there's a life-size photograph of it to the left of this paragraph.

Anyway, I chose to buy it online, since you can then get the free engraving. I sometimes lose things (my iPhone went missing for three weeks) and so I thought it prudent to have my email address and phone number on the tiny device.

I placed the order late on the 20th, a Friday. By 2 p.m. the following Sunday, the 22nd, I received an email that it was being shipped. Odd, I thought, that they would be shipping things on a Sunday, but then I saw that it was Monday morning (the 23rd) in Suzhou, China, from where it was being shipped. I got a FedEx tracking number.

I had been warned that I could receive the device as late as the 30th, so I was dismayed to see that instead of shipping things out to Honolulu directly (as the ROK post office does with things it ships to Hawaii), my packaged seemed to be taking the route of Magellan to get to the Sandwich Islands (that's us in Hawaii, by the way, just in case you work for the Wall Street Journal). First it was headed for Shanghai, then Anchorage, then Oakland. I was worried that if it kept up that trajectory, it would end up in Memphis, their hubbest of hubs, and then be sent on a special plane for all FedEx packages headed for Hawaii.

But no, they hung a right at the Bay Bridge and headed for the Aloha State. They pulled an all-nighter, apparently, getting my stuff to their Honolulu sorting facility (near the airport, I think) by 8:31. By 10:50 a.m., it was on the truck. FedEx delivery to our dorm is usually in the afternoon, and lo and behold, my package was signed for by the dorm office staff at 2:33 p.m.

I was hoping for a just-under 48-hour travel time for this to be a cool story, but it was 48 hours and 34 minutes. I'll still accept this as a neat situation deserving kudos. Globalization has its critics, but if it gets me my personalized iPod Shuffle in short order so I can hear news about those globalization critics while jogging through the green valleys up mauka-side Honolulu. Below is the FedEx site's updated list of my iPod Shuffle's travels.

One of the criticisms of globalization, of course, is that producers of goods and services (especially large-scale producers) are so hooked on competing in the cut-throat global marketplace that they cut corners in order to bring out the end product. Let's call that Microsoft-ization, to go along with the much ballyhooed McDonaldization, where things are produced so uniformly so as to make them cheaper and cheaper to reproduce.

And I would hate for any cost-cutting measures to, say, the downing of a FedEx cargo plane over the Pacific, with my iPod Shuffle on board. That was, after all, the subject of the Robert Zemeckis documentary Cast Away, with Tom Hanks re-creating the role of the brave Chuck Noland (Why didn't they call it Chucked Away? Missed opportunity for a little light humor, I'd say).

Mind you, this wish is not a selfish one, for I'm confident that Apple and/or FedEx would have insured I somehow got another iPod Shuffle (maybe even two! Score!). Rather, it is for the sake of whatever Chuck would have survived the crash and ended up finding my iPod Shuffle. After hearing "Please connect to iTunes to add music" over and over and over again for the next four years, he surely would have gone madder than the Wilson ball would make him. And I'd really hate to inflict that on anyone.

Plus, the now crazed Chuck (newly rescued) would know my email address and my phone number.

* I wish to preserve the iPod Nano (and its battery) for swimming, since I went to the expense of getting an H2Audio underwater casing for it, and since the shapes on those danged things keeps changing, I would need to get a whole new casing! Them puppies ain't cheap.

And now for something controversial

The speed with which ATEK went from being a blog issue to being reported in the Korea Times speaks to the insular nature of Korea's English-language press. It reminds me a bit of my university paper, which was written by the people who read it, and the only people who read it were the ones who wrote for it. Reactions to articles and debates on letter pages were severe, but they were limited to the group of, at most, 50 people, who were part of the cliquish group of campus journalists and those with agendas to push.

Much of what gets reported about foreign teachers or foreigners in general might be true, but the better question, as advocates of English teachers often point out, is why it's reported in the first place. It's not entirely the sensational, often false reports that manage to link, however tenuously, an English teacher with disease or sexual abuse that this argument refers to. It's also the surprisingly regular articles or pictures showing foreigners wearing a hanbok or making kim chi at a department store.

Similarly, the campaign ATEK has launched against the Anti-English Spectrum, which to my knowledge has not harmed or adversely affected an English teacher in Korea outside of the Internet, is a little over-the-top. If harsh words against every minority in the West by xenophobes and racists merited this sort of attention, the Urdu and Arabic-language newspapers here would be filled with reports about the European-based Anti-Islam Facebook group, which has almost 3,000 members, and the Korean-language press would have a field day with the racist remarks on the de facto online home of English teachers in Korae, Dave's ESL Cafe.

The point is that not every slight, insult or slur is something to worry about or deserves a response. Presumably, most foreign teachers are white and have never been a minority that was abused by some members of a majority group. Immigration regulations like criminal background checks, as well as drug and HIV tests, which have been legally challenged, are simple compared to the six-page medical check that Canada requires. Entry to America, until very recently, was not possible for tourists who were HIV positive.

On the other hand, it would be ludicrous for a minority group to let itself be walked over, presumably a group that is well-educated, relatively wealthy and relatively well-organized (there's a message board, if nothing else). But groups representing ethnic minorities in the West don't squander their time, energy and resources protesting malicious but otherwise harmless websites. The effort spent trying to clean up AES could have been spent on the sort of lobbying that might bring about improvements, however small, in the lives of foreigners. The current course of action seems to indicate that many English teachers have simply never been insulted.

In Defense of Telling Someone When They Have a Booger Hanging Out of Their Nose

While sightseeing at the Jagalchi Fish Market in 1997, I stopped to watch in amazement as a hard-working man deftly peeled the skin off eel after eel and then sliced them up into perfect cross-section circles. An astute fishmonger Ajumma working nearby noticed that both the eel slicer and I were lacking in the dome hair department. She cracked a joke about how he should teach me some knife skills and together we could start an International Eel Peeling Baldness Co-operative. I swear the earth shook that day from the ripple-effect of granny cackle that passed through that place.

Indeed, if I had a Man Won Jari (sp?) for every time some Korean made a comment to me--or about me--regarding my pate and its lack of fur, I could retire to the Hawaii of Korea and live out my days in baldness and tropical bliss. I’ll admit it took me some time to get used to Koreans with their frequent comments, the prying questions as to why and how, and their suggestions that I get a wig. And now that I am fully adjusted (well… almost fully adjusted), I have adopted a similar approach to celebrating the genetic pattern that makes my head shiny. I have also come to realize that such celebration is not a uniquely Korean thing.

My son went to a private pre-kindergarten. He only spent 9 hours a week there. I spent nearly US $220 a month on that. I didn’t begrudge him the money; I wanted to give him every opportunity I could, within my means. Even advantages I didn’t have. I mean, I didn’t even go to pre-school. I went to public kindergarten and public schools and look at me now.

One day I accompanied my lovely wife and adorable daughter to pick up our son from school. I rode shotgun. My son climbed into his car seat directly behind me. I asked him if he learned anything at school that day. He said he did and shared an interesting dinosaur fact with me. The conversation fell silent and we drove peacefully and comfortably toward home in our fine German-engineered SUV. Then…

“Daddy”? My son asks.
“Yes?”
“Did you shave a circle into your hair”?

I know instantly what he’s referring to but I fight the thought for a minute until finally I laugh and sheepishly try to explain that I did not shave a circle; I just can’t grow hair there because that is my pattern. My male pattern. My male pattern baldness.

Now you’re probably thinking that my son is only five, and that I can’t really use him as a witness in defending the Korean practice of calling out any personal feature that is out of the ordinary. That is fair. But I haven’t rested my case yet. Let me provide you with the rest of my witness list and their non-Korean credentials.

My first witness is Philip. He is my French colleague who resides in Amsterdam. His not-so-subtle form of celebration involved gifting me a tube of L’Oreal Men Expert Pure & Matte Anti-Re-greasing Moisturizing Gel. It is meant to take down the dome sheen with its long-lasting shine control. He saw it and thought of me. He gave it to me at a team dinner. How sweet.

My second witness is Susanne. She is my Dutch colleague who lives in Portugal. She, along with Audrey (an American-born Korean who is married to a French Guy), jokingly congratulated me on an award I received. The award recipient and his photo were displayed on the employee portal website. When they saw him, they thought of me. Hardeharhar. In my opinion, the only thing he and I have in common (aside from both being white American males between age 40 and 60) is the pattern; we both have it.

My third witness: One time I was talking to a group of friends at a party, amongst which were a couple former NFL players. Up walks Lee Johnson. My friends introduce me to Lee who looks at me, and then at my head, and says: “What happened to you? Did you get into a batch of Bizarro Rogaine”? Everyone had a nice laugh at that.

It’s not that I don’t know what’s going on up there. I know myself to be bald(ing). It is a genetic fact of who I am and I am trying to live with it gracefully. So here it is: a call to action. Next time you see somebody, be they Korean or foreigner, and they have a lot of zits, or a speck of red pepper flake in their teeth, or loads of ear hair, or are more fat than normal, I say call it to their attention. Celebrate it. It really is OK.

Vienna to Pyongyang by train

Most travelogues to North Korea are the same because most trips to North Korea are the same, out of necessity. This blog writes of a train trip to North Korea made special by the fact they entered via Russia unescorted. As a result, they were able to see some interesting things both at the border, as well as traveling across the country.

Starting here is an interesting read about that strange area of the world where North Korea, China and Russia meet. In that area, bordered by the two countries that have sustained it historically, North Korea seems far less reclusive. If your interest in North Korea, like mine, comes from the fact that the country is a black hole from which little emerges save a handful of North Koreans in Russia, as well as relationships with obscure African countries, these depictions of North Korea in the ordinary will interest you. If not, the posts are mostly pictures that are worth seeing anyway.

There are obvious issues to be raised in traveling to North Korea, since the overpriced tour packages, priced in Euros, will really just help keep the government afloat. Nevertheless, the experience of traveling to North Korea might help to humanize North Koreans, who are typically portrayed as a single, creepy mass alternatively hypnotized or pulverized by what is now a dynasty of dictator-gods.

A Russia-North Korea trip is especially interesting for the way it travels through two of the least-known areas in the world: the Russian Far East and, of course, North Korea. The Russia-North Korea border, along with relations between the two countries, is a bit of a time warp, like those Japanese soldiers who emerged from the jungles thirty years after World War II.

The border is a small one, but so are the distances. From Seoul to Vladvistok is just 800 km, meaning it's a drive you could make in a day across a unified Korea. These travelers do see North Koreans in Russia for whatever reason, and there is this haunting documentary about North Koreans in Russia.

백십 percent!

I find it fascinating that for a city of its size, very few people have been to Seoul, or Korea for that matter. I keep a running mental list of all the people I've met that traveled to Korea that neither worked in Korea nor had family in Korea. So far, I can name a Swede, an Australian backpacker, a French photographer, and two Chinese, one of whom was a Hong Kong taxi driver that seemed to have gone there for what sounded like sex tourism.

There was a great post by the Metropolitician a long time ago, one I can't find anymore, that argued Korea should market the sheer intensity of the Korean experience. Seoul does have five palaces and excellent hiking opportunities, but what really sets Korea apart from Japan and China is the intensity of the people.

It's really the Korean peninsula that's unique in this intensity, not just South Korea. Consider any activity or idea that exists on the peninsula: capitalism, communism, Christianity, baseball, drinking, studying, public gatherings. All of them are attacked and undertaken with a ferocity that is simultaneously amusing and frightening.

I'm sure anyone who has spent more than a week in Korea has experience dealing with this aspect of Korean culture, which can be obnoxious at times, but it's also the most exhilarating. Metropolitician described the ubiquity of bars and restaurants that stay open until the early morning, and the intense social life that results from this, an experience that's well worth traveling to Korea.

The failures of the government's attempts to brand Korea as a unique country are well-documented, and this approach wouldn't just be to present Korea as a country of alcoholics, but as a country of wildly passionate people. Nothing in Korea is done casually. People are impeccably well-dressed and often at least somewhat plastic in their composition, they drive recklessly, climb mountains well into old age, run marathons every week, sing and draw exceptionally well. Even the hamburgers tend to be better assembled than their North American counterparts.

Sonagi Consortium relaunches!

It only took me four years, but I'm determined to get this concept off the ground. I'd like to have a home for occasional bloggers to put stuff up in a forum that will attract people to their material. All posts will be linked and highlighted from Monster Island, so there will be hundreds of eyeballs a day seeing the titles of your posts. If you're interested, please email me.

Sonagi Consortium launches

The Sonagi Consortium is a joint venture in opinion and ideas by a number of bloggers whose own blogging efforts don't quite fit a daily pattern but who have interesting things to say nonetheless. It is intended to be a venue for several invited bloggers to bring their work, which will then, hopefully, add up to a blog with something new every day. Interested parties are welcome to request membership.